this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
