he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
