he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
