shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
