I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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