I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
