I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
