he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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