Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
