They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words: eviction party
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
