What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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