apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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