respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
