She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
