How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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