you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
