i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
