Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
