Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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