I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
