You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
