that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
