then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
