So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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