you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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