theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
