I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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