So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
