I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
