My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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