whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
