Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
