She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
