Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
