that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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