id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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