Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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