So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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