Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
