I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
