your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
