I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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