Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
