...so i touched it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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