i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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