he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
