Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
