I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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