your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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