And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
