he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
