He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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