What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
