We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
