Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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