All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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